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Lent
This category contains 4 article(s).
Where Are You?
Good therapy helps a person to get clearer on who they are. Where we are with ourselves, where we are with our relationships, where we are with our personal habits and ultimately where we are with our connection with God. Self reflection is a courageous choice of those who seek a healthy life.
Socrates is known for saying,
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
Viktor Frankl, a famous Austrian psychiatrist and holocaust survivor wrote: “When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”
St. Isaac of Syrian wrote: To see yourself as you really are is a miracle greater than raising the dead.”
Ancient philosophy, sensible modern psychology and the riches our faith speak the truth about the role of self reflection and its vital role toward a healthy life.
Where are you?
A compelling question that God asks of us all.
“The central question asked by the Lord of Adam in his sin is the question being asked of everyone at the beginning of Lent and throughout the season: Adam, Where are you? (Genesis 3:9) For as Jesus, the true Adam has said, ‘Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also’ (Matthew 6:21).
Where is your heart?
What do you live for?
What do you love?”
This reflection is from my favorite Lenten book (Lenten Spring) written by one of my favorite people, Fr. Thomas Hopko (of Blessed memory).
As director of Family Wellness Ministry of our Metropolis, I am blessed by the fact that the Holy Tradition of our Faith guides us toward sanity, encouraging wellness for each one of us and our families. It strikes me as very stable and ‘therapeutic’,to say the least, that our Lenten season begins with forgiveness, as expressed by ‘Forgiveness Sunday’.
The Christian life is called the ‘imitation of God’ by the Fathers of the Orthodox Church, a conviction taught throughout the pages of the scriptures. The greatest possible ‘imitation of God’ is to be forgiving. Hopko writes:
“Love between sinners is essentially expressed in forgiveness. There is no other way. It cannot be otherwise. Forgiveness is the singular expression of love in this fallen world.”
Fr. Hopko goes on to quote Elder Zossima in Dostoevsky’s novel, Brothers Karamazov: “Brothers, do not be afraid of men’s sins. Love man even in his sins, for that is the semblance of divine love and is the highest love on earth. At some ideas you stand perplexed, especially at the sight of men’s sins, asking yourself whether to combat it by force or by humble love.
Always decide, ‘I will combat it by humble love’. If you make up your mind about that once and for all, you may be able to conquer the whole world.’ “
Let’s together embark on the humble and courageous Lenten path. Let’s ask God to help us with the most personal parts of our journey. As we embrace the Lord, we will recognize that humility is as awesome force, especially the force of forgiveness.
“Team Wellness” looks forward to connecting with you! Let us know if you’d like more information on Family Wellness Ministry in your parish!
Contact us: George Papageorge MFT , Director gpapageorge@sanfran.goarch.org
Pres Pat Tsagalakis, Assistant Director – ptsagalakis@sanfran.goarch.org
GREAT LENT: A time for reflection, responsibility and transformation
Most parents realize that keeping their babies healthy requires taking them to the pediatrician for their “well baby” check-ups. At each visit the doctor weighs and measures their kids to make sure they are growing at a healthy rate, checking eyesight and hearing, and answering any questions about behavior and health issues.
As parents, we can’t wait for our children to reach important milestones – the first pounds gained, sitting up straight, rolling over, crawling, walking and eating solid food. Indeed, any parent would be devastated if the doctor diagnosed their child with “Failure to thrive.” Failure to thrive is a term used to describe a child whose growth falls below the expected norm.
So often, as we grow up into adulthood, we avoid going to the doctor, we avoid looking at our mental, physical and spiritual health. Is this because we recognize that we are already falling into the category of “Failing to grow and thrive?” Or, are we actively pursuing “solid food” growing into maturity as Christian men and women? If so, we are in the process of transformation! If we receive the diagnosis “failure to thrive” then in fact, we are dying and in need of help and intervention.
During Great Lent, we have a tremendous opportunity to nurture our spiritual health – to grow, to develop, to change! But this change requires effort, discipline, concentration and application. We do not automatically receive Christian maturity if we go to church a few times a month, do our cross and leave it at that. It is unreasonable to expect spiritual growth to require no effort. St. Paul’s comparison of our spiritual development to the rigorous training of an athlete applies as well to our spiritual discipline. Are we willing to fast? Are we willing to pray? Are we willing to extend compassion and love to others? As parents, are we willing to do everything possible to encourage our children’s spiritual growth? What are our priorities?
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Each of us must take personal responsibility for our own spiritual health and direction our family is heading. Christ our Lord, wants to run towards us like the father of the prodigal son. He stands at the door, waiting for our knock! He is ready to fill our hearts with His love and forgiveness. We, like the prodigal, must recognize our state, our sin, our ‘failure to thrive’ – and make every effort to return to Him! This requires self-reflection and no more excuses. We must rid ourselves of “if only… it’s because… I’m too busy… I wish this or that was different…” It is time for each of us to take responsibility. No more excuses! Are we thriving? Are we living our spiritual life to the best of our ability? Or, are we failing to grow? Nothing could be more important than the pursuit of a spiritual life.
Let us take to heart the words of St. Isaac the Syrian:
“Be mindful of God, so that in every moment He may be mindful of you. If He is mindful of you, He will give you salvation. Do not forget Him, letting yourselves be seduced by vain distractions. Do you want Him to forget you in your times of temptation? Stay near Him and obey Him in the days of your prosperity. You will be able to rely on His word in difficult days, because prayer will keep you safe in His continued presence. Remain constantly before His face, think of Him, remember Him in your heart. Otherwise, if you only meet Him from time to time, you risk losing your close friendship with Him.”
~ St. Isaac the Syrian
In the Orthodox Christian Church, you are not alone. We are a Church that desires maturity, desires faith, desires love. We are a body seeking to live a transfigured life in Christ. Invite your priest to walk by your side as you run the race and growing in your relationship with God during Great Lent.
During the next 40 days, make an appointment to receive the Sacrament of Holy Confession. Make every effort to attend a few weekday services. Prioritize bringing your family every week (not just once in a while) to Divine Liturgy and experience this glorious season of transformation.
Begin today. Begin by opening your heart to God. Begin with “Lord, Have Mercy.”
Bird’s Nests and Healing Hearts
There is a story from the early Christian monastics that tells of a student approaching his spiritual father and saying something like, “Father, I am continually struggling with these wandering thoughts. What should I do?”
The father replies, “Can you stop those birds from flying over our heads?”
“No, father
“Can you stop them from swooping down and building a nest on your head?”
“Yes, I could stop them from doing that.”
The father concludes, “Thoughts are like that. We cannot control whether they fly about in us, but we can prevent them from settling down and building nests upon our head.”
A similar story was told by St. Paisios but with a modern day example. He said something like our minds are an airport. Airplanes (thoughts) can fly overhead, but we do not have to let them land.
It takes time and practice to adopt this principle. Many of us simply take it for granted that our thoughts are either inherently true (I know that’s what this situation/person means) or intrinsically a part of us (that’s just the way I am), but actually neither of those are necessarily true. Most of our thoughts serve the purpose of protecting the self created narrative of our life from pain (mostly fear and shame). They seek to keep the pain away or to put the pain out. What they rarely do on their own is seek to heal the pain. If we can begin without judgment to set aside or even delay these thoughts, we can begin the journey of descending into the compassion and peace of our hearts where the image of God resides within us. This can be the beginning of healing.
Let’s bounce back to the first story. Most of us have probably not been doing what the spiritual father described, so if we continue the metaphor, there isn’t just one bird’s nest on our head. There are perhaps dozens, maybe even hundreds of bird’s nests piled one atop the other upon our heads. This metaphor makes me chuckle, but it’s also tragic. Is it any wonder that with all these nests dedicated to the protection and pacification of our self-created ego driven narrative that we struggle to find peace within ourselves, with others, and in our world?
In the first story, instruction was given to prevent a nest’s creation, yet what most of us need is some pretty intensive nest removal. I do not presume that an article like this can
remove these nests, and I likely have just as many, if not more, nests on my head than you; however, I will conclude this article with some reflections on nest removal.
- We have to start noticing the nests. As mentioned above, we often simply take our thoughts for granted. Realize that you are not your thoughts. Perhaps, start writing them down as you begin noticing them.
- Many thoughts (nests) are built upon an identity of consumption. We consume praise and pity from others. We consume tv, music, movies, games, excess food and other over indulgences. We consume through our passions. We treat other people as objects and consume them too all in the hope that we will be fulfilled and satisfied or at least the pain mentioned above will be pacified. The alternative to this kind of identity involves a transformation from a consumer to a communer. As we commune moment by moment with God, the many bird’s nests dedicated to our consumptive identity become less and less important.
- Think of your heart as a fire. We don’t have to stay obsessed with the bird’s nests, and as we spend more minutes of the day in the compassion and peace of our heart with Christ, that dry old nest is simply burned away. Of course, a fire can be dangerous too. With a heart that is sick, we continually re-traumatize ourselves and do harm to those around us.
- We need other people. Most all of us are pretty good at self-delusion, and some nests are too stuck or too painful to be dealt with on our own. The journey to healing often requires a co-traveler to help us navigate the path to freedom. That thought that says, “I don’t need anyone else,” or “I’m not so bad,” etc. Yeah, that’s another bird’s nest.
- Learn to grieve with kindness. For most people, there are a lot of things worth grieving in life, yet most people have some conversations in their head that are downright mean. Grieving is often met with denial, or it’s a very bitter form of grief. Learning a new dialogue, learning to grieve with kindness opens a healing pathway through pain. Perhaps, something awful happened to you. Can you notice the nests that blame you and label you? Can you grieve what happened with kindness and introduce that event to the compassion and peace of Christ in your heart? Perhaps, you have done awful things. Can you grieve your past actions? Can you seek forgiveness and then accept it with kindness?
- Have patience with yourself and with others. These birds nests didn’t get firmly entrenched overnight. They probably won’t get removed overnight either.
- The most loving thing you can do for yourself is to pray and be with God. Seek guidance to grow your prayer life to prevent future nests from being built.
